I wish....

I've had some thoughts over the last month that I don't think require long explanations; so I thought I'd list them here. Keep in mind, a lot of these are the things I force myself not to say in the moment. So while they may seem jerky, remember that I nearly exploded keeping them inside. And that, my friends, is what makes a lady. Sigh.

I spend too much time hating people I don't know.

I'd love to pull a gun on someone that's being a jerk without suffering the consequences. I think if that person pooped their pants out of fear, they'd probably get humble and turn into a nicer person.

I'd love to say "I don't care" to the person telling me about their upcoming surgery

I'm so grossed out by the animated bacteria on commercials for cleaning supplies and medicine! It's disgusting! I hate those products for making me feel like that, and so I refuse to buy what they're selling!

What will my celebrity cause be? Darfur is taken, and Noah Wylie has already claimed the polar bears. What's left? I think I'm going to fund research on how to keep puppies as puppies forever.

We get it, pop culture photographers! Enough with the "aw shucks" shot of the quirky actor with his hand behind his head. This image is supposed to say, "I don't know, I'm just me I guess." How can that be when everyone else that's your type is doing it?

I wish I could say "that sucks" to a terrible idea. Especially when the person with said idea insists that it's not when I delicately pooh pooh it.

Any song that has the lyrics, "Life is..." automatically sucks

Stop trying so hard.

When I'm a serial killer in a movie, I'm going to leave the list of names of the people I'm killing tacked to a corkboard above my desk. That way the detectives that discover that list upon forcefully entering my vacated apartment will be sure to apprehend me in the nick of time. They'll know where to go because I've crossed out the names of the people I've already killed sequentially. Let me acknowledge that normally, commenting on this over-used technique in movies would seem hacky to me; we all know that's stupid... if I hadn't just seen it on a CSI rerun. Yikes.

I have more, but they're mostly along the lines of just wishing people would just act the way I want them to. I can't be the only one who feels this way.