Recently I was fortunate enough to watch James Taylor do a sound check a few hours before his concert. We were surreptitiously escorted into the ballroom/banquet hall and approximately 20 feet away from the man himself. He played quick versions of his songs from the set that evening while joking with his band as they experimented with new versions. These people were real professionals. One of them would throw out an idea, the others would instantly pick it up on their respective instruments, and it sounded like gold. Amazing.
The crew started to wrap things up so they could scram before the guests arrived, when it happened: Mr. Taylor got the attention of the stage manager, and referring to the seat that had been provided for him said, "Is this my actual stool, or a stool sample?" Ba-zing! Oh, James Taylor... not only did you bring me to tears with your melodies, but you made me spit Cherry Coke with your witticism. Bravo.
Where was I when all this went down? Vancouver, BC (British Columbia... Canada... Get an atlas) I was there last week with Dave & Co. to do some funnies. The highlights include:
1) Real hookers! I saw them on my way to the hotel. They were hanging out on the corners, waiting for the next John to give them Hepatitis, or vice versa. They were all I could have hoped for: butt-skimming skirts, stripper heels and the stench of dashed dreams. The cab driver saw me looking on with my jaw hanging open, so he initiated a very candid conversation about hooking and how it works. I liked him.
2) A real hockey game! The Vancouver Canucks vs. The Chicago Blackhawks. I lost it over the mascot, which, by the way, was a whale. If you figure it out let me know. He was great! I nearly choked to death on my Sizzlin' Smokie - a hotdog infused with cheese. Yum - when he bit the head of one of the fans. Chomp! Apparently this is something they do, but it was new to me! Even better, I was gifted a puppet of said mascot by Dave. That puppet was biting heads all night. Thank you!
3) The OK Go treadmill dance routine. You know what I'm talking about. You saw it on You Tube. We learned a shortened version and recorded it for one of the shows. I thought I was going to die and have a closed-casket wake due to the extensive tread burns on my face. But once I barely mastered the art of walking sideways from treadmill to treadmill it was smooth sailing from there. You will see it posted here as soon as I get my hot little hands on it.
4) The death of Anna Nicole. Now before you get all pissy, here's why - the TV in Canada SUCKS. Worse than England. Anyone who's visited or seen Nat'l Lampoon's European Vacation knows what I'm talking about. They're not all "The Office." Thank goodness she kicked the bucket. I swallowed my hatred for 24 hour news channels and was grateful I had something to watch while getting ready for bed.
5) Oh yeah, the shows! They were fun. It was a great group of folks: Dave, Ross Bryant, Joey Bland and Phil Ward. I had a blast. My favorite was doing a silly lounge act wearing a big blonde wig and lots of sparkles. My blouse (ew) was of the grandma variety... let's just say it had alot of gold on it. Hilarious. I was transporting it from costumes on a hanger as an older woman walking beside me said (without a shred of irony), "what a lovely blouse!" Yeah, it was.
All in all, a great week.
I can't believe you read all of this.
A personal favorite: my buddy Christopher McConnell (AKA B-Unit) eating a Jenga piece. Why not?
