Renovation

I'm jealous of the woman I saw meeting with her interior designer over coffee on a Monday afternoon. Swatches splayed out all over the table, words like "fabulous," "pearlized accents," and "Mountbatten pink" being tossed around, my pashmina draped delicately over my shoulders... How do I get that life?

Help Them

I just saw a commercial on Bravo that really touched me.

It was a montage of different shots of wildlife in danger of extinction. This montage was set to Richard Marx's "Right Here Waiting."

I don't think that's what he had in mind when he wrote that song. And I don't think the commercial is supposed to make me laugh.

You Can Do It!

A word of advice to the ladies:

Be nice to the pretty girl in the room. I know it's hard, and goes against our natural tendencies, but nobody said life was gonna be easy.

When you're mean to her, you expose that soft little jealous underbelly of yours, and it makes YOU even LESS attractive. Now, I know you're assuming she's going to be mean because she's pretty, but did it ever occur that you get what you project? If you're a bitch, she's probably gonna be one right back. She's protecting herself! Get tough, ladies. Chances are she's pretty cool, and hoping you're not going to be mean.

I'm glad we had this talk.

Smoke 'Em Out

Since Illinois went smoke free in January, I've gotten less used to cigarette smoke. I love it. It's like I'm a kid again, and my parents are protecting me from harmful things. I'm never around it, so when grandpa smokes, it stands out as an odd thing.

I got into a cab today that reeked of smoke. The driver said, "it's OK if you want to smoke in here." "Clearly," I replied, "No thanks. I'll just chew on this lingering secondhand."

Cabbies are becoming more lenient as drunk people pour out of bars, desperate for a cig. Well, Cabbie, I guarantee I'll tip you more for providing a clean environment for me than Drunkie will for letting him bend the rules. In my experience, drunk folks feel entitled to special treatment. I just want to not sneeze from smoke allergies and stink like your stale cigarette after I get out of the cab. In fact, I can refer to my Passenger Bill of Rights and Responsibilities right here on the back of the seat. As a passenger I have the right and responsibility to not smoke while riding in the cab. As a cab driver, you have the responsibility to have some balls and tell your customers no.