I'm back!

Hello beautiful Chicago! I'm so happy to see you!

I had a fantastic time in Maine. Check back soon for the full story.

This takes precedence:



You guys. This is not a bit. I completely missed the ball. I'm an athlete!!!

Bye Bye!

OK, everybody. I'm outta here for awhile. I'm off to perform at ImprovAcadia until the end of August. It's in Bar Harbor, Maine, which is next to Acadia National Park. People who like the outdoors tell me it's supposed to be some beautiful paradise. It looks like this:



I'm taking my bike. I'm pretty stoked. See you in a month.

The auto-complete function on my Blackberry wants to spell "diet" as "dirt."

It's right. My Blackberry is brilliant.

Past Times

Last week I went to minor league baseball game in Lansing, MI. The famed Lansing Lugnuts were playing the Grand Rapids Whitecaps. I won't get too into the game details, I'm sure you read all about it on ESPN.com.

Truth be told, it was a fun game, but the real entertainment had nothing to do with baseball. Imagine if you will, special crowd members catching rubber chickens in a trash can launched from a giant slingshot as old ladies in the stands take their final swigs from Fosters Oil Cans, babies dressed to the nines in Lugnuts jerseys, a kickass fireworks display, at which said babies did not cry. They come from strong stock in Lansing!

Equally entertaining? The woman I passed in Belmont Harbor yesterday, kicking herself in the head repeatedly. I'm pretty sure she thought she was stretching, but she was just kicking herself over and over again. In the head. Awesome.

On the romance front, according to my grandmother, if I wait much longer to get married it's likely I'll marry someone that already has kids. I told her we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Hermit the Freak

The guy that lives in the apartment below me is SO WEIRD!

Every time I walk by his door I hear the oddest sounds: a cat mewing at the top of its little cat lungs, big band music, and what has to be a Dot Matrix printer.

I've lived here for over a year, and I've seen him once... when he was out front walking his cat on a leash. That experience must have been particularly scary, because I haven't seen him since.

Other proof he lives here include the multitude of packages he receives daily and the landlord relaying a complaint of noise when we had THREE people over. That, a party does not make. And they were gone by 9:30pm. What a tool.

I'm not quite sure why he's not living with his mother. I'd slip a note under his door to suggest it, but I don't want him to go into a seizure over the threat of communicating with a human.

Overstock.com

The following was posted on the Chicago Improv Network today:

Comedic Caucasian Male Actor Needed

Wherever are they going to find one of those in Chicago??? And don't take him away from our community when you find him, poster. We'll be hard pressed to find another one!

Me Weekly

I visited L.A. last week for the first time in 13 years. After only one week, I'm pretty sure it's all about me. I love a place that feeds that monster. Get ready...

I won't bore you with all the fun stuff I did... suffice it to say, I was devastated to come back to Chicago. I also won't bore you with all the celebrity sightings I had... because there weren't any! Not a one! I'm SO disappointed. Then my friend Paul pointed out that as long as I'm looking for a celebrity, I won't recognize the one that's already in the room, AKA me. That's sweet, but total bullshit. I really want to see for myself how the stars are just like us! And to top it off my friend Erica saw Sarah Jessica Parker on a trip to NYC last week and Jude Law here in Chicago at the Peninsula today.

Why not me??? Grrrr....