I was in Hamilton, Bermuda, the other day, chilling at a coffee shop, using their free WiFi, when this box walked by me:




The owner's kid was parading around, having the time of his life, unaware that what he's doing is totally weird. At what age do we stop letting kids do strange things? I'd put him at 7 years old; do you think if he was thirteen it wouldn't be as endearing? What if I did it today? I think I could pull it off. Somebody get me a refrigerator box.

Only 2 and a half more weeks and I'm home! What the hell am I going to do with myself? Yikes.

My new unhealthy obsession is the TV show Friday Night Lights. I've watched 3 seasons just this week. It can't be good for the brain to watch 12 straight hours of a TV show, while only taking a break to get food from the buffet or pee. It's worth it. This show is A. Maze. Ing. It actually has a main character in love with his wife, not that cliche bullshit we see in sitcoms all the time. You know, the reluctant husband bound to the ball and chain. Instead, it's an example of a healthy, happy relationship. It's balanced; they fight and have misunderstandings, but the message is always "love your family, they are the most important thing." What a concept. And in this age, where a lot of kids (and adults) learn how to behave by watching TV, let's have more of that please! Let's make it cool again to be held accountable to the people we love.

Fashion Tips

Dear Men and Boys of my generation,

This is your official warning: if you don't start pulling up your pants, I'm going to start posting pictures of your ass crack on this blog. Nobody wants that. Do us all a solid.

I've seen a phenomenon a few times in the past year, and it must be addressed. Whenever there's some kind of accident, people rush over to the site and hover, watching the action. WTF? Get out of there! You're not helping anything. It's a part of human nature that I abhor.

Yesterday, I was waiting for some friends just outside the ship when I heard a piercing scream behind me. An old man had fallen off the trolley. Now, he was actually fine, since it was literally a foot from the ground. But her unnecessary, over-dramatic shriek attracted all kinds of attention AND freaked the old guy out. I'm sure he was thinking, "Good Lord, what does this woman see that I don't? This must be really bad!" Sure enough, here come all the people that just have to see what's going on. Give the man some privacy, and find something else to preoccupy your tiny minds with, people!

I came up with a joke recently, and I'm not quite sure how to get it out there. I figure this is a good place to start:

Q: What did the judge say to the 2 fruits in California?
A: Canteloupe!

Thank you, thank you (insert grand, sweeping bow here)

It's so hot in Bermuda today, I'm sweating from too much sitting around.

I have to laugh, because while writing this, I'm having a conversation over Facebook chat with the guy sitting across from me. Ah, modern flirtation. Gotta keep up.

And... for your viewing pleasure:




I call this: Naked in Public

Also...

Yet another of my ex-boyfriends is engaged.

I'm like Primer.

Careful, boys: primer is only necessary when the material has void spaces. Sure you want to adhere to that?

What the hell am I talking about? What a weirdo. Hmmm.... no wonder I'm single.

Me Bitching Again

As the designer of a cruise ship, I think the best placement of closet doors is where they can roll side to side and slam when the ship rocks. Did I mention I put them on wheels to ensure prime sliding? I should be murdered.

I'm in a weird place right now, literally and figuratively. On one hand, I'm really ready to get back to my life on land. On the other hand, I'm not sure what I'm going back to. A shitty economy? I've been so fortunate to be a working actor, I really don't want to go back to uncertainty. I guess I'll just do what I always do. Trust that it's going to work out. So far, so good.

The carpet in my cabin is so busy. Any time I drop something it takes me forever to find it. Everything blends into the pattern! I've just stopped looking for things. If I drop it, it's gone forever, like dropping it in molten lava. I hope the person who inhabits this cabin after me enjoys it all.

Man, I'm surly right now.

Well, since I'm on a roll...

Here's the problem with the auto-flush toilets: people assume it will always flush. Make sure!! Turn around and confirm that it's gone! I'm sick of walking into a stall and being greeted by your pee. This isn't England, for crying out loud! (I have no idea what that means. Some connection to the plague?) People are so gross.