Crazy

You know that weird feeling when it's like you're outside your body looking in? It doesn't happen too often, but it's so jarring when it does. It's in that moment when you become totally self-aware. I wonder why that happens. Then the questions come flooding in. Who am I? What am I doing here? Why are we alive? It's exhausting.

I'm not suggesting that I'm super deep. It just recently happened and I wasn't too impressed with my answers.

Yikes

Let me set the mood here:

Right now I'm sitting in one of the ship's lounges while a poor man's version of the Academy Award winning song from "Flashdance" is pumping through the speakers. You know it: it's "What a Feeling." Great song, right? Normally.

The original was performed by Irene Cara. This version, is not. This version, is a huge mistake. When it first started I was sure that the painful warbling was due to some karaoke that had just started. Nope. I'm not sure why they insist on choosing the lesser versions of killer songs to play on the ship. I need answers!

I read Women's Health only to confirm the naughty things I indulge in are OK. For instance, in this last issue they reiterated that a glass of red wine per day does indeed help your heart and contains antioxidants and fiber. I'm waiting for the issue when they bump that number up to 3 per day. Keep your fingers crossed! Also, did you know you should eat 1.5 delicious dark Hershey's kisses per day to reduce the signs of heart disease? Get on it.

Vanity

I've been exercising a lot on the ship. There's really no excuse not to, since there's nothing but time. I haven't really noticed any significant results, because there's also plenty of time to be decadent. So, I guess the good news is I haven't gotten any fatter.

The major challenge of exercising on a ship is trying not to fall over. When the waves are particularly rough, we get tossed around all over the place. Lunges prove to be pretty difficult, and the incline on the treadmill can change instantly. I think a by-product of all this is that I've developed a pretty strong core trying to keep my balance. Ew. Listen to me. Core.

Speaking of decadence, I just have to tell you what my sister did. It happened 2 months ago and still makes me laugh. I was home in Michigan visiting my family. I had almost drifted off to sleep when my phone rang. It was my sis, calling me from down the hall to ask me a question. She didn't feel like getting out of bed. I think it's safe to say that we have arrived as a human race.

Brrr....

Chicago is experiencing its coldest weather in eight years!! Sounds like I picked the perfect time to get out of Dodge. It's been raining all week in the Gulf of Mexico. Good thing I didn't pay for this cruise. I'd be pissed!!!

We port in New Orleans every week. It's been a real novelty, running around the French Quarter, eating begnets at Cafe Du Monde, drinking absinthe in the middle of the afternoon. What's that, you ask? Absinthe? Yup. It's delicious, and makes me crazy. I can't believe I didn't get hit by a car on my "walk" back to the boat. I took a picture of it because I am a huge nerd and have to document everything. Who knows? Maybe I'll develop amnesia and these pictures will come in handy as I try to put the pieces of my life back together. Or maybe YOU will, and you'll be super grateful to me for taking so many pictures. You're welcome.



My first good friend that I made on the ship left on Sunday. It sucks. This stupid boat can be a real trap since there's no escape unless I decide to take a swan dive. No thanks. And since there's not anything new to see, everyplace is a haven for memories. Gross. So, I guess the trick is to not get close to anyone. What could possibly go wrong with this plan?

You Know You Want Him

Oh boy, you guys. The best thing in the world has happened on this ship.

Someone taped up the picture below on their cabin door the week of Christmas. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Cut to me standing outside their door trying to get a snapshot of it through tears of joy.

I call it "Sexy Christmas Horse." Enjoy.

Bullship

Blogging is going to be a challenge on the ship. I realize I used to take the internet for granted, Here, it's a treat! You're in luck if you can find a decent signal, and when you do, it's expensive! Wait, a second. Am I complaining??? Forgive me. I'll take a slow expensive internet connection over snow ANY DAY.

This experience is full of contradictions. Like, I live in sheer paradise, but I can't help finding things to bitch about. There are some creature comforts I miss.. like food. Especially:

Grilled cheese sandwiches
Chipotle
Microwave popcorn
Box macaroni and cheese

However, I can have steak and lobster, fresh fruit, decadent desserts, sushi, and all kinds of unique meals, for free. What's my problem? Come on, Sarah. Get it together. Chipotle is just tacos. You can actually get real ones in Mexico.

How sweet is this? A married couple approached me last week and handed me a bag. Inside was this adorable little painted bobble head snail (they're all the rage in Guatemala). They saw me laughing at it when we were in port, so they bought it for me. It's my first random gift from "fans." It made me realize that every week, almost 2000 people see our shows on Tuesday night, and the rest of the week, I'm recognizable... and trapped aboard a vessel in the middle of the sea with them. Weird.

I know, I know...

Yes, it's been awhile since my last post. I've been doing stuff.

The thing that stands out the most is that I'm writing this from a cruise ship. I'll be living on this thing for the next 4 months. The gods of Second City have made it possible to have a job at which I get to do some pretty darn funny shows a couple of hours a week with some truly great folks, and spend the rest of my time snorkeling and drinking out of pineapples. I'm feeling pretty grateful right about now.

Except for the fact that every time the door to the internet room opens, I'm hit with the sounds of a slightly off rendition of the best of Whitney Houston. All at once, I'm drifting on a lonely sea... me too, Whitney. Me too.

Naw, man. This is awesome. Hurray!!!